This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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