im holly from the hills drunk
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
