Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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