Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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