my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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