I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
