So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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