i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
