I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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