Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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