I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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