come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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