it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
