Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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