a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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