So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize