Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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