What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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