She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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