Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
