just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
