According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
bring money and cleavage
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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