burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
