his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
