Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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