Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
