Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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