nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
