I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
worst night to have a conscience
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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