i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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