At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
