i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
