I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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