she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
