you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
