Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
