hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
