It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
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Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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