I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
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She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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