she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i think my cat just said my name.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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