I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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