PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
