Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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