On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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