wat bout pragnant strippers??
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
