In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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