I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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