There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
