I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
