Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
