she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
