sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
