The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
