Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
