The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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