I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
