Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
