Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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