Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
