saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
