does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
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Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
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You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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