If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
In America we eat man semen.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
