If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
