So drunk its hurt
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
