fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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