Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
