it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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