I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sext me about skeletons
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
