Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
