So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
