I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
