he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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