Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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