You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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