saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
