saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
