its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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