i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
